‘Carry on, we walk by faith and not by sight.’

The month of August was an extraordinarily difficult month for me. I lost my sweet husband of 18 years to an unexpected and sudden death. The pain that comes with losing someone so close cuts far deeper than words can really express, but without getting overly intense, I will say it really does feel like half of you has been ripped away.

As this new season of my life begins, I am learning a deeper level of drawing near to God, and He will draw near to you. Seems somewhat ironic that a new CD I had been planning to record is called Draw Me Into Your Presence. Truly I feel that I am walking this thing out.

At the encouragement of several people, including Gary’s parents and my own son, I have followed through with recording  Draw Me Into Your Presence. Having something positive on which to focus has been emnsily helpful for avoiding getting “stuck” in the grieving process. I believe the Lord will work through the music and lyrics to bring blessing to those who hear it.

A few days after Gary passed, I found his journal, and within its pages, an inspiring theme that seemed to be something of a message from him directly to me from where he is now abiding with Jesus: “Carry on. We walk by faith and not by sight.”

This meant a great deal to me for several reasons. Back when he was 29, he had been diagnosed with testicular cancer. It was this illness that caused him to realize his need for Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior, and it was the beginning of their relationship and journey together. After multiple surgeries and chemo, he was healed. I say healed and not “in remission” because when he met me a few short years after that and told me his story, he said that he asked the Lord to “heal” him, and that after going through everything that he totally believed for himself that he was healed. I believed it too.

There is a song that was recorded by Sandi Patty called “Carry On.” Gary introduced that song to me shortly after we met. It helped him to find hope and strength as he went through the difficulties associated with cancer, surgeries and the chemo, and when he later got an opportunity to testify about his healing to his home church, he asked me to sing it before he shared his story. I was very honored to do so.

When God gave Gary back his life, he made a point of honoring the Lord by learning about and living out a healthy lifestyle that would allow him to remain as healthy as possible, even teaching me a great deal about healthy living. Though we weren’t supposed to be able to have children due to the cancer, the Lord had other plans and defied what the doctors said.

Many years later, after getting laid off from one job and offered another that required a physical before he could begin working, it was discovered that he had diabetes. Once again, God arranged for him to overcome what could have been an early death, and once again, Gary researched and learned even more about living a healthy lifestyle to honor God with yet another gift of life.

When he finally went on to be with the Lord, neither of these issues were the cause. He was given the gift of not having to suffer or slowly decline in his quality of life. His departure was probably as instant and painless as it could possibly be for a human being.

So the theme that I have found within the pages of his journal, “Carry on. We walk by faith and not by sight,” is something I have now been working to apply to my own life, even as I continue to embrace opportunities to continue singing, writing music, playing music and recording it.

It is my hope and prayer that as I continue my journey, that what I have walked through and continue to face will somehow inspire others to, “Carry on. We walk by faith and not by sight.”